Self-forgiveness is a difficult topic for many people to address. Self-forgiveness in addiction recovery is particularly complex. However, it can provide a better foundation for treatment. Here’s how.
People addicted to drugs and alcohol often do a lot of damage to themselves and others. They may lie, steal, and make reckless decisions without thinking about the consequences. When they finally get treatment, they tend to be holding a lot of shame.
While most people getting psychological help see shame as an obstacle to overcome, addicts might resist approaching it this way. After all, isn’t shame the appropriate response? Their loved ones may also be of this view.
But the reality is that addiction is an illness and holding onto the belief that you are a bad person can be harmful to treatment. Self-forgiveness therefore helps you overcome a barrier to recovery.
This is not just a nice idea. Research has shown that self-forgiveness has a measurable impact on recovery from addiction and general psychological health.
Let’s discuss this research, before going into some strategies that can help you forgive yourself.
Research on Self-Forgiveness and Addiction Recovery
A study published in 2005 found evidence for the connection between self-forgiveness and addiction recovery. Hall & Fincham, its co-authors, wrote that this is because it fosters self-compassion and reduces self-criticism, thereby enhancing overall mental health.
But what do self-compassion and reducing self-criticism have to do with addiction recovery?
There are two aspects to discuss here, which deal with psychological health in general and addiction in particular.
Self-Forgiveness and Mental Health
Let’s first go into why self-forgiveness is positively correlated with mental health in general. A 2010 study found that people who engage in self-forgiveness report higher levels of self-esteem and life satisfaction.
Both of these aspects of wellbeing play a huge role in a person’s mental health journey. Anxiety often draws on the thought that ‘I’m not good enough.’ This belief leads a person to fear that they will not be able to be successful in work and social situations. Improving self-esteem therefore leads to lower levels of anxiety.
Self-esteem and life satisfaction are connected to depression as well. A person who believes that they themselves are worthless and/or that their life has little worth are at risk of depression. They lose motivation to take care of themselves and engage with the world.
Since addiction is a mental health disorder and often co-occurs with other mental illnesses, improving mental health in general is crucial for recovery.
Self-Forgiveness and Addiction
A 2013 study found that people who work on self-forgiveness show lower relapse rates. This is, of course, connected to the person’s sense of mental wellbeing, considering that mental health struggles are often a trigger for self-soothing through substances.
However, there is another aspect of self-forgiveness that is very important in the context of addiction recovery.
People who have not forgiven themselves are more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors. They may do so consciously or unconsciously in order to punish themselves or because they do not believe they are capable of achieving a better life.
As such, self-forgiveness can help them avoid these cycles, as the person acknowledges that they deserve better and are not destined to fail.
The Barriers to Self-Forgiveness
Working on self-forgiveness is so important to recovery, but it can be especially difficult, considering what the person has been through. They may be struggling with entrenched guilt, shame, and a lack of self-compassion.
The good news is that there are ways to achieve self-forgiveness no matter how much you have struggled. Addiction recovery centers understand this, which is why treatments often focus on boosting the self-forgiveness process, among other things.
The following therapies utilize strategies that help recovering addicts to forgive themselves, in order to ensure greater chances of success.
Therapies to Help With Self-Forgiveness
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most used therapeutic approaches. It works by helping individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns, then replace them with more positive and forgiving ones. CBT can be highly effective in fostering self-forgiveness for this reason. The process typically involves:
- Identifying a negative thought: The therapist guides the person to recognize a self-critical and guilt-inducing thought that they can work on.
- Challenging the thought: They then help the person question the validity of this thought. Is it based on reality or assumptions? What are the facts?
- Replacing the thought with a more accurate one: Based on what emerges from the previous step, what is a more accurate way of framing the thought?
An example in the context of addiction might be the thought that ‘I always hurt everybody around me.’ It might seem like a statement of fact to the person at first, but some questions break it down.
Are there times you have helped a loved one? If so, you don’t always hurt them. Do you know how you will behave in the future? If not, you cannot make this very general statement about yourself. Are there mitigating factors from previous instances? These may include addiction and other mental illnesses, which you are now working hard to overcome.
A more accurate thought would therefore be: ‘I sometimes hurt loved ones in the past while addicted and I am working hard to avoid doing it again.’
Positive Self-Talk
CBT also helps the person develop positive self-talk in general. The person learns to treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they would offer a friend.
The cognitive distortions that often accompany feelings of guilt and shame in addiction recovery can be broken down systematically using these processes.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness practices promote self-forgiveness by increasing self-awareness and self-compassion. A 2005 study found that mindfulness meditation helps a person become more aware of their thoughts and feelings without judgment, fostering a non-reactive state of mind that is conducive to self-forgiveness.
By increasing one’s ability to view themselves and the world without judgment, it becomes easier to forgive oneself. This is different from the CBT approach, which focuses on breaking down the thoughts. With mindfulness, you let go of thoughts that are judgmental without getting caught up in them.
Some of the most powerful mindfulness techniques include:
- Mindful Breathing: Focusing on the breath can anchor the mind in the present moment, reducing the impact of negative thoughts.
- Body Scan: Increasing the awareness of the physical sensations that are present in the body in this moment. It fosters a greater sense of connection to and acceptance of oneself.
- Loving-Kindness: During meditation, the person sends love and compassion to themselves and others to cultivate a forgiving attitude.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) emphasizes the importance of developing self-compassion to achieve self-forgiveness. This therapy involves:
- Understanding self-criticism: Recognizing where self-criticism comes from as well as its purpose, and seeing how it affects mental health.
- Developing compassionate mindsets: Beginning to view oneself with the same compassion and understanding typically reserved for others, leading to a gentler view of the world in general.
- Practicing self-compassion exercises: These exercises are designed to increase feelings of compassion towards oneself, such as writing a compassionate letter to oneself or using visualizations to change how one sees oneself.
12-Step Programs
12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) incorporate elements of self-forgiveness in their recovery process. These elements include:
- Admitting past wrongs and taking responsibility for their impact on oneself and others.
- Making amends by actively seeking to repair relationships.
- Seeking forgiveness by actually asking for forgiveness once one has apologized to oneself and others.
Research has supported the effectiveness of these programs in promoting long-term recovery, although the 12 steps are not right for everyone.
Expressive Writing
Expressive writing can be an effective strategy for promoting self-forgiveness, whether on one’s own or while with a therapist. This practice involves:
- Writing about thoughts and feelings related to one’s past actions, helping to process their emotions.
- Reflecting on past experiences and their impact to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.
- Reframing the narrative by using a more compassionate and forgiving light to write about past actions.
Expressive writing can help externalize thoughts and emotions which makes it easier to process them.
Conclusion
Self-forgiveness is an important part of recovery, as former addicts seek a healthier sense of self, leading to more successful addiction treatment. Self-forgiveness is not indulgent. Rather, it is a way of recognizing one’s own inherent value, leading to a decreased risk of mental health problems and quelling the instinct for self-destruction.
