Name: Brianna buschman
From: Phoenix , Arizona
Perusing a positive Impact
Pursuing A Positive Impact
My pursuit of a positive impact on my community is based on my recovery. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I have been researching all the effects among my community and how everyone is affected. From young children to grandparents are affected. The addiction cycle is fierce and is passed on from generation to generation. One of the biggest problems with addiction is that so many people are so ashamed and feel the need to hide it instead of talking and being open about it. By sharing it to others and letting people know that it is there and is not just a big elephant in the room people can understand more about this vicious cycle.
My story begins as a little girl with parents who where addicts. I was forced to grow up with no one to depend on. So I had to grow up fast. I never had any friends because we moved so often. I had two older brothers that I always looked up to and tried to protect and take care of. I always believed that I was there and in this family because without me a war amongst my family would begin. I quickly realized that everything my brothers,mom and dad where doing was everything I shouldn’t do and I promised myself I never would. But when I turned 15 I ran away from the abuse and neglect and just chaos. I got my own place and a job but my very dependent brothers followed me from place to place getting me kicked out from violence drinking, and drug use. I soon met a boyfriend who was doing methamphetamine and helped me to my next level of my addiction the one I promised myself I would never reach. He was a schizophrenic controlling andvery manipulative man. Who used and abused me in ways I was quite use to as a child growing up. But he took it to a hole new level. I tried to commit suicide and failed and woke up in the psychiatric ward. I got out and a month later found out I was pregnant. Which I thought because of my abuse as a child I was not capable of. I promised myself I was changing my ways for this baby. After a year of being clean my addiction took over once more. By the influence of my family once again. I thought I could control it. But I never new the right way or who to talk to about it. A couple years later I was pregnant again with my second baby girl. I once again tried to live sober but was living like a dry drunk. I finally went to treatment and found AA and NA where I now go 3 times a week. I had to let go of my family and just pray that they find what I have now found. Through the help of talking to people, finding my higher power and just learning as much as I can about this serious illness I have never felt more control over it. I can breath, I can sleep, I can eat, I can love!!! Throughout this experience the number one thing I learned that flames the fire of addiction is fear. Being scared to reach out and talk to others.
I believe that by talking and sharing about addiction to everyone in the community can help break the cycle at least for more people then just hiding in shame and guilt and resentment. In active addiction it is so hard to get help but there is so much help out there we just don’t know about any of it. Making more accessible help and people who understand, which should be everyone I believe because everyone is affected by addiction. Whether it is you who has the problem or a family member every family I have ever met is affected in some way. By not judging and allowing others to open up with out punishment gives us a freedom and courage to let go of the resentment and shame of using. Most addicts use because of shame and resentment whether it’s drugs or drinking. It is all the same to an addict’s brain.
In my experience being as honest and open as bout my addiction has given myself as well as others hope, resources and also peace of mind that we can live a full, sober, and wonderful life. By exploring and explaining the effects of addiction and also sharing our experiences within our community we can fight to break the heartbreaking cycle of addiction.