Addiction Awareness Scholarship Campaign 2020 – Never be the same

Name: Tearsa Rodriguez

Never be the same

does not get enough attention like it should because many people do
not want to admit that they are uncomfortable to talk about it.
However, the most important things are the most uncomfortable things
to talk about such as sex, love, and addiction. Or there are times
that the person does not want to admit to themselves that they have
an addiction so they keep denying it without realizing it. With the
lack of attention many people are digging more of a deeper hole for
themselves into the addiction. Finding themselves lost and not able
to come back home or feeling like their drowning. Anybody can develop
an addiction, even people you do not expect to develop one in the
first place. For me it was my grandmother who had developed a
nicotine and a cocaine addiction after giving birth to her third
child who was my father. Before the addiction she was known as the
fun mother that lived down the street she was always crafty making
dresses for little girls since at the time all she had were two
girls. Everyone loved her because she was so kind and always there
for everyone. However after the birth of my father things went
downhill. Her addiction went on for years and my grandfather tried to
help her quit as much as he could, but you can not help someone who
does not want to be helped. As my father grew up more and started to
understand why his mother was missing so many important events and
was just missing for days in general he wanted to help her to try to
overcome it. My grandmother finally realized that she was hurting her
family more than she realized so she left. She left her entire family
one day without a word to anyone but my grandfather. He begged her to
stay and that they would help her get through this but she didn’t
stay and it crushed not only my grandfather but my father and his two
sisters. Years passed by and my father was already a senior in high
school and already met my mom who was pregnant with me. My
grandfather and the rest of my family never had a thought about my
grandmother since the week she had left them. Then, something
unexpected happened. My grandmother showed up at my grandfather’s
land and he did not recognize her. At first he said she looked
really pale and super thin as if she was dying. My grandmother
explained to my grandfather that there was an incident that ended her
up in a rehabilitation center and got her clean and helped her with
her addiction with cocaine. She also explained that while she was
there she found out that there is some severe damage to her lungs
from the nicotine and some problems with her heart from the cocaine.
She told my grandfather that she wanted to come home and that she
would accept their help if they were still willing to offer it. They
all agreed to help her because in the end she was still their mother
and they would never turn their backs on family, but it still was not
the same as it was before and till this day it is still not the same.
The tension is still there in the air between my grandmother and the
rest of the family including her grandchildren. Even for me it was
not the same because through her recovery I learned everything that
happened before I was born and there will always be moments I will
remember what she did to my family especially to my father, but I
still love her because I know she is trying to stay good, that she is
trying not to drown in the addiction that she has to fight against
for the rest of her life.