Addiction Awareness Scholarship Campaign 2020 – My darkest struggle

Name: Brittany noelle Frederick

My darkest struggle


19, 2020

Illness Essay For Scholarship


name is Brittany Frederick and I am a single mom of 3 children,
living in FL, currently going to school for my bachelor’s. As a
single mom in college, I would like to graduate with my Bachelor’s
in Psychology and minor in mental health. My goal is to reach out to
people who may be suicidal or having a hard time in life and share my
story in order to help them achieve happiness. My goal is also to
graduate with honors by achieving straight A’s in every class I
take. I dropped out of college in 2012 after being hospitalized for
the 3
time for mental breakdowns. At the same time I realized I was
starting to have symptoms of underlying mental conditions. It took me
until Oct 2019 to get back into college because I ended up having to
be hospitalized due to my mental illness several more times. I
started to lose hope, as I thought the doctor’s could not find out
what was wrong with me. My symptoms were: racing thoughts, sweating,
couldn’t breathe, severe anxiety, paranoia (I literally thought
demons were trying to kill me) severe depression, visions, voices and
mood swings. I grew up in a very disturbed home with a lot of
violence. I think this is why I ended up having such severe mental
illness symptoms. I was taught at a young age to do what I could to
survive. I didn’t come from a “rich” family. I was always the
“dirty” girl at school, which I think attributed to my anxiety
and depression disorders. It is very hard for me to hold a job due to
my newly diagnosed bi-polar disorder, major depression disorder,
advanced anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. I was too afraid to leave
my house because I had not found the right combination of medicine,
so instead of leaving my house to work, I resorted to having men come
to my home for “massages.” I was trapped in the sex industry for
5 years until I finally had a family member reach out to me and help
me up out of that lifestyle. It took me a long time to come out of my
shell, and it took me a long time to stop using drugs to mask my
mental illness. After being so sick for so long, I became
hospitalized again for a suicide attempt. The doctors, to my surprise
found a combination of medicine that made all my horrible symptoms go
away. It was the best day of my life. I had never felt calm, happy
feelings since I was 12 years old. They prescribed me an
anti-psychotic, an anxiety medicine, a mood stabilizer, and 2
separate anti-depressants. It has been 2 years now that I have been
stable on my medications. I am now financially stable and back in
college making straight A’s. I have so much more to tell about my
life struggles and I would love to win this scholarship so that I can
pay for college and go on to help people struggling with similar
backgrounds. I understand what it’s like to be sitting in your room
all alone and feeling so frightened of the world that you just curl
up and hide under your blanket. I know what it feels like to be too
frightened to step outside, even though there’s nothing out there,
I know what it’s like to hallucinate and hear strange voices
taunting you to do evil things. I think that my past experiences will
be very great examples of how your life can get better with a little
positive influence. I can show people that you can go from a very low
point in life into a completely new lifestyle. I feel like I haven’t
even told you even the tip of the iceberg of what my mental illness
has done to me. Mental illness stole my life for 16 long, hard years.
I would love nothing more than to help my future patients exercise
coping mechanisms until, they too, can find the right combination of
medicine for them. I think if I won this scholarship it would be all
around beneficial and I can shed some positive light into a scared,
helpless persons life. Winning this scholarship would help me out in
so many ways. I grew up extremely poor and I always dreamed of going
to college and making something out of myself. I try to maintain my
composure and act like nothing is wrong, but I truly am sad sometimes
over the fact that I just simply don’t have enough income to pay
for my future. Because of how long it took me to get my medication
right, I am still living with my mom and only have 1 of my children
by choice. I decided the best situation for my youngest 2 children
was to put them up for adoption (with family members). My mental
illness still flares up sometimes and I did not want my children to
suffer if I got sick again, so I did it as a precaution. It is very
sad, and it hurts me deeply that my mental illness has essentially
ruined my life. But I have to keep telling myself to stay positive
and work hard to get my degree so that I can someday help people who
are just as helpless as I was. I want more than anything in this
world to get my bachelor’s in psychology so I can mentor and
counsel people who are in very bad positions. I love helping people
and I definitely want my 3 young children to grow up knowing their
mother is successful and has a college degree. I never knew what it
was like to have a comfortable home. My parents did not attend
college, so most times we were left with old clothes and sparse food
to share between the 6 of us. This scholarship will help me reach my
goal and I will finally be the first one in my entire family to make
it to college and graduate with honors. If I receive this
scholarship, I will give 100% of my focus to my schoolwork and
maintain a 4.0 GPA. I want to help people and I believe, in my heart,
that I was meant to go into the field of psychology so that I can
help people who really need it. There is no one who needs this
scholarship more than I do. I’m a single, disabled mom taking
college courses and trying to stay sane. I need this scholarship to
help pay for my tuition so that my children do not go without. Please
take my story into consideration when you make your decision. Thank
you so very much for taking the time to hear my story.