Addiction Awareness Scholarship Campaign 2020 – From The Outside Looking In

Name: Karmahn

From The Outside Looking In

Imagine that
you’re backed up against a corner in a room engulfed in flames and
that you have no access to a door. My name is Karmahn Reynolds and
this my story of being diagnosed with Social Anxiety, Major
Depressive Disorder, and Borderline Personality and how I decided to
not let these disorders define who I am as a young individual.

As an adolescent, I never enjoyed being the center of attention. My
first encounter with anxiety was in preschool. We were having a
production of The Little Red Hen. I was originally cast as the duck,
a small role that I knew I could handle and hide amongst the crowd
until the last day of rehearsals that I was to be re-casted as the
Red Hen. My stomach dropped to the floor, my palms began to perspire,
and my legs immediately turned into jello. When the day of the
performance finally arrived. I stepped onto the stage with fear in my
eyes I took one look at the crowd and ran off of the stage and cried
into my mother’s arms. This would be the first of many panic attacks
that I would later have to deal with in life.

Fast-forwarding to middle school, I dealt with two fighting parents,
bottled up emotions, and low self-esteem. Every day felt like a
constant battle in my mind I was either worried about my parents
going their separate ways, feeling invisible around my friends, or
not even feeling comfortable in my own body. Eventually, my nightmare
became a reality. My parent’s settled on having joint custody which
meant we had to move towns, my brother and I were set to live my
mother and go to my father’s house every other weekend.

At first, it was pretty difficult to deal with not having my dad not
at home all the time I wasn’t open to having a change come into my
life I liked things to go as planned. The sudden change also became a
hardship when it came to being social at school I was a freshman just
starting high school with no one except me, myself, and I. My
underclassmen years were probably the hardest two years of my life
mentally, physically, and grade-wise as well Throughout this time I
also changed therapist every couple of months but nothing helped it
felt as if everything in my life and become dull and melancholy and
there was no way out this burning room.

Finally senior came around and was probably my most productive and
positive year in high school, I joined color guard which physically
challenging but was the best decision in my high school life which
made me want to join the school’s Broadway show “Once Upon A
Mattress” that led me to meet my odd group of amazing friends. I
also made the varsity choir and was the Co-Editor for the school’s

It was the summer of 2019, I just graduated from Spring High School
and leaving all of my past accomplishments behind the door and was
set to create different achievements at Texas A&M Corpus Christi,
everyone was happy for me except me. Yet again no one knew how I was
handling everything, each moment felt like a rollercoaster from the
highs of knowing about the adventures I was set to embark on and the
lows of knowing that I was set to make important decisions on my own.

This led to my parents making the decision that I should stay home
for my first year of school which caused me to go down a spiral of
depression and loneliness, I slept all day and cried all night
everything that once made me excited in life began to be bland and
boring all the color in the world turned to gray, the following week
I ended up being checked into Kingwood Pines Mental Hospital at the
beginning of the summer and Behavioral Hospital of Bellaire later in
the summer.

Fast forward to now, I’m a now-graduated young adult and will be
attending Lone Star at North Harris in the spring of 2020. I’ve
become more confident in how I look, comfortable when I am alone with
my thoughts and have never been happier in my life ready to start a
new chapter of my life

Outside of my personal life, I decide to change my relationship with
Christ and was also the best decision I’ve made in my life, in
general, I joined the church’s youth group where I was able to also
meet new people and make new friends and found new mentors that I
could talk to if I feel down. Fast forward to now, I’m a
now-graduated young adult and will be attending Texas A&M
University at Corpus Christi as a nursing major in the fall 2020
semester. I’ve become more confident in how I look, comfortable when
I am alone with my thoughts and have never been happier in my life.