Little Girl Wishes
Addiction has been a part of my life since the moment I was born; however, not because I have been addicted, but yet, because I’ve watched my father struggle with addiction. While alcohol was his main poison, he began using other drugs once he discovered it was not enough for him any longer. I still see the lasting impacts of addiction in my mother after struggling to help him for several years during their marriage. Despite divorcing him, she still has struggles that have arised from his downfall.
My mother is the strongest person I know. She took her two children and removed the three of us from a toxic situation despite the lack of support or resources. She left my father when I was around 5 years old and kicked him out. She lost her home, most of her friends, and her husband. While the relationship was toxic due to the drugs and alcohol, she was still upset to think she has a failed marriage. However, she has managed to put two kids in school and is about to help one child get through college. Despite the heartache and pain she experienced in her toxic marriage, she has become more successful in her life than my father. Throughout the screaming matches and finding of drugs, she never gave up hope in order to make a better life for her children.
As a little girl, I did not understand addiction or the impact it would have on me years later after their divorce. I can remember always wanting to ride with my dad wherever he was going but he always told me no. When my mom finally forced me to go with him to “Home Depot,” I actually went with him to a friends house in order for him to get drugs. When I pointed the house out to my mom, she threw a fit because she knew the dangers and the risk she put me in by allowing me to go with my father. While I can still remember sitting in his truck waiting for my daddy to come back to me, it was the first time I would ever feel abandoned by him. Even though he came back that time, he has not several times in the present.
Much of my depression stems from my father, in the multiple times I have felt abandoned or unloved by him. Currently, he resides in a halfway house after falling off the wagon recently. While he continues to say he is ready to leave, he has recently become manager of the house; however, this comes as no surprise to me or my mother because it is uncharacteristic of him to give up something provided for him instead of attempting to provide for himself. Much of this stems from the loss of his mom at a young age.
As is the case with several addicts, it appears my father struggles with depression. Instead of getting the necessary help I make sure I receive, he finds comfort in drowning his sorrows with alcohol. In helping lower the rates of depression by providing necessary tools, such as antidepressants and therapy, there is less of a chance for those using alcohol to suppress their emotions like my father. The nation is not only battling addiction, but they are also fighting depression and thoughts of suicide. People are depressed for many different reasons; however, in finding the resources to provide for those that are addicted or depressed would help significantly repress these detrimental rates. In doing so, this allows other little girls the opportunity to have a present father throughout their lives unlike me.